I Can't Take Another Night
by Damonfan123
Summary: Alexi and Janne (Children of Bodom) SLASH. Bandfic. They think they know each other better than they know themselves. When will they find out how wrong they are?
1. Chapter 1

I stepped onto the tour bus hoping to relax with a cold beer while the rest of the guys were out with women they'd picked up after tonight's show. Expecting silence and emptiness, I was surprised that when the doors slid open I heard a quick, screeching guitar solo screaming loudly from within. I took a deep breath and passed the threshold between the rest of the world and one of Alexi Laiho's infamous bad moods.

The only time Alexi ever played after a show was when he was mad or sad. Or both. Honestly, the two emotions weren't very differentiated for the blonde guitarist. Alexi could fill a room when he was upset, and he was certainly filling the bus. So much for a quiet night, I thought to myself.

Then again, Alexi's moods did sometimes have some unexpected…benefits for me. Being his best friend, it often fell to me to calm him down.

I was striding toward the back of the bus, toward the room behind the bunks where the guitarist was surely stewing. His antagonizing of his instrument was getting louder, and I noticed that the door was cracked. I peeked inside to assess his body language before I made my presence known. He was hunched over the guitar, fingers flying over the frets with frightening speed. His face was set in a scowl of concentration. He was the picture of tortured genius.

Then, suddenly, the young portrait stopped playing. Alexi's glance moved to the cracked door where I stood. There was no way he could've heard me, but-

"Janne, what are you doing?" Alexi questioned from his perch on the couch.

Embarrassed, I pushed open the door and stepped into the back room. "I was planning on staying on the bus tonight for some relaxation, but someone has made this impossible." I chuckled, easing the tension with a jab.

"Well…" Alexi was grinning trying to think of a comeback, but his smirk faltered and he fell silent. I walked over to stand in front of the shorter man.

"Allu, what is wrong?" I said gently. He diverted his gaze down to the floor and slumped back onto the couch.

"Nothing." He replied without looking at me. Alexi could be so stubborn and childish when it came to things like these.

"Come on. Spit it out." I stood with my arms crossed looking down at him.

"I said nothing Janne. I just wanted practice."

"Very well." I knew just how to play my cards.

"Hey!" Alexi piped up as I turned to leave him. "You want me to teach you guitar?"

I had never shown an interest in learning guitar before, but if this was what little Allu wanted at the moment, I would humor him. Anything to get his spirits up before the rest of the band piled on the bus.

"Okay…" I turned back around and the blonde eagerly scooted over and made room for me next to him. I sat down and Alexi took the guitar strap off of his shoulders and pushed the instrument into my lap, positioning the strap on my larger frame.

"Okay, this. This is pickup and this is fret." Alexi pointed to the obvious parts of the guitar as if I had never seen the thing before in my life, let alone played in a metal band for the past decade. Still, I had to smile at his enthusiasm.

"If you put two fingers here," Alexi reached an arm around me and positioned my hand correctly, while holding my pick hand with his free arm, "and strum, you have a g-chord."

He moved my hand to strum the guitar and, as expected, a g-chord rang through the room.

"Good! See!" Alexi grinned, his face close to mine. I couldn't help but laugh. His bad mood seemed to have abated quickly. He pecked me once on either cheek, celebrating my dubiously earned success.

"Eww, Alexi, get off!" I feigned pushing him away and wiped my cheeks off exaggeratedly.

"Aww, Janne. You're supposed to respect your teacher." Allu yanked the guitar off of me and set it on a stand, turning off the amp.

I played along. 'Well, 'teacher'," I started, "you seem better now, but what kept you in here tonight?"

Alexi faced me, his face again downcast. He probably thought he'd distracted me. Silly, wild Alexi. He had to know by now that I could read him like a book. The hyper brat was constantly under the delusion that he was discreet.

"Just didn't feel like I played well tonight. I have to practice more so I don't make us look stupid."

For a second I thought he had to be kidding. There was no doubt, Alexi was the best member of Children of Bodom. Hell, he was probably the best guitarist I'd ever seen. He'd been playing forever, and if he made mistakes at concerts, I certainly never heard them. What was this all about? Alexi used to be very insecure, even in things he was very good at. Maybe this was a recurrence of his feelings.

"What are you talking about? You're fucking amazing." I said earnestly.

"No. I need to get better. Everyone's going to be expecting more the more popular we get." Alexi retorted.

"You. Are. Very excellent at guitar. So stupid!" I shoved Alexi playfully. Grinning at him.

"Janne…" Alexi started, but I put a hand on either side of his head, feeling his silky long hair, and kissed his forehead.

"You. Are. A very excellent guitar player." I restated. "There's no reason to get worked up on something you are doing great at."

Allu just stood there, silently, looking up at me with his deep blue eyes rimmed in black eyeliner. I pulled him in for a friendly hug. To tell the truth, I loved the feeling of his smaller body pressed up against my own. I loved how easy it was to wrap my arms around him and to tell myself that I would protect him from the most dangerous things-the evil thoughts floating around his own mind.

When I released him from my embrace, Alexi looked a bit better.

"Now, I thought I was to learn guitar." I teased. He perked up at the mention and fetched the same guitar, heading back to the couch while simultaneously playing a melody from Trashed, Lost, and Strung Out.

"See, you are so good." and he was.

"Come here Janne, I will show you."

I walked over and once again Alexi's arms were around my shoulders, directing me where to go. I was hopeless, really. Obviously keyboard was my forte. I managed to stagger through the melody one time without severely screwing it up, and Alexi looked like he'd won the lottery.

"Yeah, that's it!" He almost shouted in glee. I took the strap off, satisfied that I'd tried enough to fulfill his instructive desires.

"You're way too sober, man." Alexi said, pulling out a beer he'd been keeping under the couch and throwing back the rest of the can in one gulp. Of course, I knew he wasn't drunk either. It would take more than a few beers to make it past his legendary tolerance.

He squeezed the can and got up, grabbing two more out of the mini fridge, tossing the second to me. I nodded in thanks and took a gulp, wondering why all of a sudden I felt like the party pooper.

"You want to turn on music? We can dance and shit." The guitarist said, jumping slightly up and down to an imaginary beat. I groaned. No matter what mood he was in, Alexi was never going to let me have a peaceful night.

Fine.

"Sure, yeah. Go on." I gestured nonchalantly to the stereo system. Soon enough Behemoth was blaring from the speakers and Alexi was playing air guitar and head banging. How could he have this much energy after we already played a show tonight? Noticing that I was still sitting down, he came over and grabbed my arms, pulling me up with surprising strength for his small form.

"Janne, have fun!" He commanded, waving my hands forcibly above my head. When he felt certain that I would play along, he resumed his crazed thrashing.

A few minutes later I felt small arms around me from behind, latched on to my waist. Alexi set his chin on my shoulder.

"Thank you." He smiled.

"What are friends for?" I conceded.

Alexi leaned his head on mine, swaying still to the rhythm. I wondered if, like some of the other times Alexi was going through his mood swings, he would try to kiss me. I couldn't say I hated it. Fuck. No. I fucking liked it. My problem came when it was over, and everything was back to temporary normal, and I found myself thinking about his pretty eyes or his small body pressed against mine. The things I wanted, I feared, went beyond his stupid, sporadic makeouts. So I ignored it until moments like these, when I had a good feeling that Alexi would end up fucking-around like normal. Or abnormal. Who ever knows with him?

"Janne…" I felt a fist rapping my skull. "Janne!"

"What are you thinking about?" Alexi fished, eyeing me critically, as if he couldn't believe I had to think about anything at this hour.

"Nothing." I said, turning around to face him, standing chest to chest with the shorter man.

Alexi's lithe hand reached up to my neck, pulling my face down to his. His eyes never left mine, which went shivers down my spine, though I'd never let him know it. He stood on his tiptoes and let his lips brush mine, so different from the mouth of any girl I'd kissed. His face was boyish and smooth, but his mouth was harder, hotter, more aggressive.

Our lips melded together, and I felt his tongue brush against my closed lips. I opened my mouth, but instead of letting him enter me, I instead dominated his tongue with my own, deepening the kiss. Our foreheads were pressed together, and I was painfully aware of every contact point between us.

What was I doing? I couldn't get carried away like this. I had to look at it from a purely emotionless standpoint. It was meaningless. Even to Alexi, I knew that this kiss was fleeting. It would never lead anywhere. So I should enjoy, but not think about him like this.

Alexi backed up a few steps, pulling me with him, never separating our mouths. Then, he pulled away, licking his lips a little, looking as gorgeous as always. He pushed me gently toward the couch, and when I sat down, he crawled and kneeled over my legs, continuing where we left off. His mouth and mine moved together. I felt the soft emotion in his body, like he needed reassurance. That was all this ever was. Reassurance. Loneliness.

I reached my hands up and ran them through his hair, controlling his head with my grip. I loved his hair. I heard Alexi gasp a bit.

"Allu?" I breathed during the pause, wondering what had gotten into the little guitarist now.

Instead of a response I felt Alexi's lips against my neck, licking and sucking gently a path along my jugular and jaw line. I managed to control any noise from coming out of my mouth, although it seemed this only made him work even harder.

He nipped at my bottom lip, frustrated when I didn't give in. I opened my eyes and grabbed him around his slim waist, switching our positions so that now he was under me, looking up at me vulnerably. I immediately moved my mouth to the hollow of his throat, relishing the taste of his skin, giving him the same thing he'd done to me. He was not as good at keeping his mouth shut.

"Janne…shit!" Alexi chanted softly as I moved my mouth, finally arriving at his parted lips that quivered eagerly. I stopped, teasing him, knowing his self-control was good for nothing.

"Janne, being so stupid." He murmured before closing the short distance between us again. I chuckled into his mouth. I felt his soft hands pressed against my chest, grasping delicately my shirt. We had never gone so far before as to remove any clothing. This was the extent of it.

Slowly, Alexi's hand crept toward the hem of my t-shirt, settling at the small strip of skin exposed just above the waistband of my sweatpants. He must be feeling brave tonight.

I caught his tongue gently with my teeth, tugging it playfully, enjoying the look on the blondes face as he pugnaciously glared at me, moving his palm to my stomach, tickling me slightly, roaming over my taut abdominals and then to the small of my back. The movement caught me of guard enough that Allu pulled his tongue away from me, licking his lips again subconsciously, still glaring.

"You!-" he started to spit out before I cut him off. He pulled away again, "You jerk, what makes you think-" I cut him off yet again, smiling wickedly at his feigned strictness.

"And what do you think you're doing, then?" I motioned toward his hands which had pushed my shirt up to my chest when they shoved me backwards to get his word in edgewise. Alexi blushed and boldly slid his palms higher, forcing my t-shirt over my head. Not that I couldn't have stopped him, but I was a guy, right? Swept away, I guess.

So I was over him wearing no shirt.

"You little demon." I was holding his shoulders back now, pinning him down.

"Payback." was his only reply, and with a glint in his eye, he tackled me to the floor, tickling me childishly, though nevertheless effectively. Laughter bubbled up before my strength could give me the upper hand. Finally I laid still, watching Allu cautiously stroke my hair as if he were stroking a lion's mane. He took off his own shirt, then, exposing his thin, smooth body. I noticed his abs quivering a bit below his tight chest. He was well muscled, for one so small.

"Are you ticklish too?" I joked, threatening him with wiggling fingers. Alexi resolutely shook his head no, but I doubted his sincerity. I tested him, dragging my fingers lightly across his stomach, but almost the instant I grazed him, he jumped away, betraying his weakness.

"Ah, really." I laughed at him, maneuvering myself so that my hands held his forearms to his sides, and I was face to face with him.

"hmm…" Alexi grunted, giving up. I looked down at the shallow dip just below his sternum. A split second decision had my face lowered to his body, kissing him lightly in spots I had never taken notice of before. I felt his muscles tense as my tongue moved across his warm skin, tasting every inch.

I allowed my tongue to glide over one of his nipples, causing him to stiffen further and make a beautiful squeak deep within his throat. I swirled around the same spot, using my teeth a bit. His back was arched into me, and I felt the beginnings of a bulge in his pants.

This was new, but not surprising. What had I expected? For a moment I was back in that wishy-washy place between love and passion, friendship and wanting him. No. I snapped back, shaking the idea from my head.

Alexi's hands were in my hair again, massaging my scalp and probably knotting the hell out of my hair. I chanced a brief peek at his face. His eyes were closed, his mouth open, making little noises whenever I touched an extremely sensitive patch, with his golden hair splayed beneath him like a sun god.

"Enjoying yourself?" I murmured into his ear before biting down.

"mm-hmm," Alexi managed to choke out. I continued sucking his earlobe until I heard is strained voice again.

"Janne, Janne please-kiss me."

I looked at his needy face, practically burning, his breathing hitched. There was no denying the tightening of his pants, and I had long ago felt myself stirring to arousal. Neither of us could get enough of the other, our tongues swirling frantically, exploring. I was trying so hard to keep my control, but he was making it so fucking hard.

Then, I only just heard the sound of the bus door opening. Shit. Fuck. Fuck. Shit.

"Allu, fuck. They're fucking back!" I whisper-shouted.

His eyes blinked open.

"Go to your bunk. Go to sleep." I commanded, thinking that was the only place where it made sense for me to be without a shirt on alone with Allu on the bus. He stumbled to his feet and I yanked him out of the back room. I practically dove into my bottom bunk, Alexi had the tougher job of making it to the top. He seemed to gain back at least some of his agility, enough to climb the short ladder. I shut my eyes and held my breath.

I heard the guys piling aboard loudly, laughing and talking. They were probably half deaf from whatever club they'd gone to. The club I probably should've gone to as well. I lost track of time, but no one even bothered to check on either of us. I managed to fall asleep after awhile.

I groggily blinked open my eyes to something nudging my back. Uggh, who would be waking me up at this time. Well, it was probably at least nine in the morning, but for us, this was practically nighttime. I rolled over, groaning. This better be fucking good.

All the windows were blacked out on the bus, so I couldn't see much but the outline of anything.

"Huh?" I mumbled, trying to make out what was behind me.

"Janne? Janne are you awake?" I heard a whisper through the dark.

"Gee, I don't know." I scowled gruffly.

"I'm sorry…" The whisper said.

"Alexi?" I asked, finally recognizing the voice.

"I can't sleep." He said, I felt his weight sitting on the edge of my bunk.

"So?" I replied, not sure exactly what he wanted to talk about.

"I thought maybe I could-"

I felt his weight sliding closer to me. The bed wasn't very big to begin with, so having two people in it didn't leave much room for me to question. I felt guilty for being short with him. His warm back was inches from me, I could tell from the heat radiating off of it.

"Allu." I said in a semi-annoyed voice, but at the same time I wrapped my arm around him and pulled him closer, pressing his small body against me, fitting with me like a puzzle piece. He snuggled closer, sighing and relaxing. Perhaps he'd been having his nightmares again. I knew he didn't have bad dreams nearly as much when he wasn't alone. This wasn't uncommon for him, so why did I have to think about it more than it was?

Within minutes his breathing was steady. I figured he'd fallen asleep. Lucky him. It took me longer to drop off into my subconscious.


	2. Chapter 2

Alexi's POV:

It was so much easier to sleep when I was with someone else. Sure, nightmares suck, but this time that's not what had kept me up. No. This time it was something worse. I'd been dreaming, alright. Dreaming about that silly skeletal keyboardist. I wasn't fucking gay. So why was I so goddamn infatuated with him? We'd been best friends for a long time. We'd made out before, drunk and whatnot. What I never told him, what I could barely admit to myself, was that I loved these times more than I should. I wanted him nearly always. Even onstage in front of all those people I couldn't keep myself away from his gravitation. We would fuck around during my guitar solos, making all the guys laugh. Truth be told I did it because I wanted to kiss him again. I wanted to feel his soft lips on mine, so forgiving, sealed tightly.

I had dreamt of his hands, so big and warm, on my body, skimming over me with hunger. Watching him play his keyboard only enforced such fucked up thoughts, and now his long arms were wrapped around me, pulling me closer. I couldn't help how much this felt…perfect.

Because I was a light sleeper, the afternoon light woke me up before Janne. His breath tickled my neck, which he'd unconsciously buried his face into. For once, I felt comfortable enough to close my eyes and doze some more instead of getting up to bother someone to buy me a pack of cigarettes.

"Allu!" I heard my name. "Allu, get your ass up!" Someone shook my shoulders, forcing me to "wake up" for the second time.

"I'm awake!" I said, just to get him to stop shaking me. I flopped over onto my side and saw Jaska looking at me in awe. Oh shit.

"You NEVER sleep in!" He looked as if he were searching me for illness. "Everyone else is already up. We have to do the sound check before tonight."

I inhaled. So Janne was up. Thank God. It's not like I've never slept in the others' bunks, but I did not normally sleep so…so close to them. I rubbed my hands on my face and stood up. I really did not usually sleep this long. Ah well. I grabbed a shirt and pulled it on. I still had my pants on from last night's narrow escape. Fuck, it was much too early to think of such things.

As Jaska had said, all the guys were waiting on me. I looked quickly into the mirror, running a hand through my slightly ratted blonde hair before brushing my teeth. Then, we set off for practice, and I set out pretending not to notice Janne playing the keyboard or walking around or drinking beer or, you know, fucking breathing. Shit. And life continued like before, but the weight was ever heavier, everything about him more distracting. All I wanted was to be free of the eternal Hell that was my mind.


	3. Chapter 3

Janne's POV:

Everyone noticed it, but perhaps not as early nor as acutely as I had. Our lead guitarist wasn't behaving well. Not well for himself. Not well for us. He'd been sleeping even less and eating less too. Hell, in three weeks he'd gone from small to tiny. I worried about him having enough energy and strength to get through the almost nightly shows. He tried to pass off the darkness gathering around his eyes with eyeliner, but I knew that was false. Alexi looked like shit, and he acted like a fucking zombie. The only time he animated even a bit was at concerts, and even then, it was not the same. It was like he was not all there.

We'd whispered quietly, tried confronting him, doing his favorite things. Still, here was Alexi, no better than before, and I had no idea what his problem was. We hadn't been alone together doing anything out of the ordinary since that night we'd kissed. The memories of his pliant body under me and later pressed against me asleep were still seared into my mind. I hadn't been able to communicate with him well since then, but he hadn't made any efforts to seek me out. I was guessing he'd had his fill. Shitty for me, I guess, but I was still his best friend. The other guys expected it to be me, ultimately, who pulled him out of his slump, which is why they decided it would be me who kept an eye on him during our three day stay in Amsterdam.

We were actually going to get hotel rooms instead of being cramped on the bus, an exciting event for our tired bodies. Jaska, Henkka, and Roope were getting the double room. Alexi and I were getting the single. The guys weren't shy about telling me to figure out what was wrong with Alexi and fix it. The problem was, I literally didn't know what to do. This wasn't like his other moods, which tended to be passionate but brief. This melancholia had lasted weeks.

"Grab your shit and get off!" Henkka shouted through the bus, not hiding his relief at sleeping somewhere else for a few nights. The bus was fun at first, but it got sickening after awhile.

I hopped off, followed closely behind by Jaska and Roope. Alexi was the last off, looking-no surprise-tired. We grabbed our bags from under the bus. I was a light packer, with only one suitcase. I looked at the hotel where we'd be staying. It was huge and it looked nice from the outside. I felt good with the cool breeze blowing across my face. Fresh, daytime air. It felt like eons since I'd last felt the sun!

The group of three roommates had gathered their things. As they walked by me, I felt their pointed glances in my direction. We all wanted this to help the band regain its vivacity, which mostly depended on getting our singer/guitarist back on track, preferably before the press noticed. Our worry was not unfounded. I knew that Alexi had tried to kill himself long ago, and a nagging fear in the back of my head kept bringing this information to the forefront of my memory. He wouldn't try something so dumb again…or would he?

I heard a grunt behind me, followed by a series of cuss words, shocking me out of my reverie. I turned to see Alexi struggling with his bag. No wonder, his strength had depleted with his body weight. He was wearing a tank-top, exposing his shoulders and arms. My eyes moved over him, cringing inwardly at the sinews and dips that had presented themselves just beneath his tightly drawn skin. Fuck. Worse, even, than I'd thought.

"Alexi. I've got it." I walked over to him and hoisted his bag onto my other shoulder. He looked guiltily at my disapproving eyes before walking toward the doors. I followed suit. We got our room key and headed to the fifth floor, which was the top, via elevator. I longed for the humorous, bright personality to come back instead of the stony, silent one that presented itself by my side. I didn't know whether to feel more pissed or sad.

Alexi opened our room, and I dropped the bags by the dresser, although I doubted we'd bother to unpack them.

"I think I'll go…" Alexi, leaning against the wall, didn't say where. This already sucked.

"No. I don't think you will." I replied, my voice taking on a more authoritative tone than normal. Alexi looked up, surprised as I was. I saw a tiny bit of his usual stubbornness flash across his eyes.

"Fuck if I don't." He said nonchalantly, turning to walk away with a "what-are-you-going-to-do-about-it?" attitude. It wasn't at all like him to be mean.

It took me all of two strides to make up the distance. I grabbed his arm and yanked him back, not a difficult task; he was a leaf in the wind.

"I said, No. You're going to sleep."

Alexi looked at me. There was no mistaking his indignation this time. At least it was something other than zombie-eyes. Maybe this was what it would take to draw him out of his fog: trying to get a rise out of him.

"No, I'm not-" His voice got louder when I swiftly picked him up, turning back toward the interior of the room, toward the bed.

"What the fuck!? JANNE! Put me down!" He cried out while I walked to the bed, barely feeling his struggle of fists against my chest.

"Fine." I said, dropping him onto the bed unceremoniously. Before he could get back up I grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head while he squirmed. I felt like a fucking babysitter trying to get a five year old ready to sleep. I could see every one of his ribs. He was still beautiful, but more like a little bird than the strong, compact warrior he'd been before this depression.

"Idiot. What do you think you're doing? I'm an adult." Alexi spat at me.

"You don't act like one." I shot back calmly. He moved to get up again, now standing face to face with me. I grabbed him around the chest and shoved him back into bed, laying partially atop him, making it almost impossible for him to move. After about a minute of useless attempts at escape, Alexi laid still. His eyes were wide open staring at the ceiling.

"Go to sleep." I said more gently to him. He didn't even blink. "Allu…" He turned his head a fraction towards me at the sound of his nickname. "You haven't been sleeping."

"I sleep plenty. You need to not be so worried." He replied softly. Did he think I was stupid? I almost laughed. Then I noticed the glassiness of his eyes. The pout of his bottom lip was almost irresistible at this proximity, but I shouldn't. I could help him relax though, right? Maybe I was just selfish.

I pressed my cheek into his neck, kissing the spot where his neck met his shoulder, sucking the spot enough to leave a mark. Almost immediately I felt his body slacken under my arms. He released a breath, so I continued. After focusing my attentions on that spot, I moved my hands to his cheeks, rubbing softly along his defined bone-structure, moving my thumbs to the base of his neck, rubbing a circular pattern, smoothing his hair a bit. At least I had gotten him to close his eyes.

I lowered my lips to the hollow at the base of his throat, pressing them against him repeatedly. I kissed my way to his shoulder, keeping him held against the comforter while simultaneously soothing him with my touches. When I felt satisfied that he was not going to try to get up again, I pressed one last chaste kiss onto his forehead, stroking his jaw line and pulling away.

When I sat back his heavily lidded eyes followed me, an almost inaudible squeak passing his lips. I laid my head down and pulled him to me. He buried his face into my chest, and I draped my arm over his back, enjoying his compliance. I put my chin atop his head and closed my own eyes. Little Allu sighed in contentment. Please sleep, I thought to myself.

I only woke up a few times, usually because he'd started to turn restlessly. I never noticed him actually waking up, seeing as every time I pulled him back into my chest he fell into a more peaceful sleep. I lost track of time, eventually falling into a deeper sleep myself…

The clock said 8:47am. Apparently we'd slept through all of last night. Relief flooded my body because that was over twelve hours, and Alexi still wasn't awake. His arms were crushed against me, his fingertips mingling with my hair. I felt momentarily bad for having been so forceful with him, but it had worked. So maybe I would be taking the path of most resistance from here on out.

I slowly disentangled myself, trying my best not to disturb him. I looked down at the bed as I pulled on my shoes to head down to the lobby. I hadn't made him eat anything before going to sleep. Fuck. Win one battle lose another. I decided I would wake him when I got back with the food.

There was a surplus of different foods down in the lobby, so I grabbed random things, not knowing what Allu would eat. I trudged back to the room, clicking open the door and setting breakfast down on the desk on the opposite side of the room. Alexi had shifted to lay face down on the bed, exposing his spine and shoulder blades jutting out dangerously. Yeah. He had to eat.

I bent over him, tapping him on the back lightly. He didn't stir until I had basically rolled him over.

"Allu…Allu?" I roused him slowly with my voice. His cobalt eyes squinted, adjusting to the morning light.

"mmnnh." He covered his face with his hands, stretching like a cat on the mattress. I was sorely tempted to reach out and stroke his shallow abs while his back was arched, but I restrained myself. Instead I sat down on the edge of the bed, waiting for him to wake up more fully. Alexi rolled back over and leaned up on his forearms, looking at me.

"Good morning to you, too, Mr. Alarm Man." Alexi was kidding around.

"Oh, did I forget to greet you, little princess?" I chuckled as he stuck his tongue out at me. I ruffled his hair playfully, standing up. "I got food."

"Ah, so you really are room service."

I threw a bagel at him, but his reflexes were slow from grogginess, so it hit him in the face. I covered my mouth, stifling my laughter.

"Nice, Janne." He feigned a scowl, taking a chomp out of the offending weapon. I waited quietly for him to finish, nibbling on some sort of bar, myself, keeping an eye on him. When he was done, he got up and walked over to me. I simply handed him an apple.

"What? I do not like these Satan fruits." Alexi dangled the apple in front of me, tossing it back to the desk. Only he could turn an apple into a metaphor for original sin. Sighing, I handed him a banana instead.

"I am not hungry, Janne." He tossed it back. Not again, I groaned inwardly.

"You should eat it." I tried being nice about it.

"I can think of better things to taste." Alexi looked uncharacteristically devilish as he took another step closer to me, pulling face down to meet his lips. I grabbed the sides of his face and held him away.

"Ah, ah, ah. You are not fooling me, little imp. You must eat two things, now, or else none of that." I scolded, pointing to the desk. I was taken aback by his sudden initiative and by my apparent ease in using kissing as a threat over him.

Alexi unwillingly picked up the banana and peeled it, eating it much quicker than he had the bagel. He looked at me, and I gave him my "no-nonsense" glare, crossing my arms without looking away. He scanned the table and picked up some sort of pastry, looking at it distastefully before taking a small bite.

"You know, it would be much better to eat if you weren't standing here like a hawk." he griped.

"I suppose, but you're almost done now, so no use worrying about it." Was my simple reply.

Finally he was finished.

"Look, you survived." I said sarcastically.

"Now I want my reward." Alexi practically purred.

"Most people see food as a reward in itself, you know." I stuttered toward the end of my statement when Alexi hugged me, his hair tickling my stomach. He was so short that his head barely made it above my shoulders. I wrapped my arms around him in return. He positioned his chin so that he was looking up at me, his lips parted just enough so that I knew exactly what he was expecting. I couldn't help but oblige when he looked so delicate.

With one arm on the small of his back, keeping him against me, I brushed my lips against his for the first time in over a month. There was nothing too unusual about not making out with your best friend for awhile, but I guess it was the fact that I had pretty much accepted that I liked him as more than that, no matter how he felt about me. I would never initiate contact. I knew for Alexi it would never be like it was for me. He was just needy, accepting of any attentions, not discriminating between me and any other girl hanging over him. Anyway, I should enjoy this while it lasts.

I pushed my tongue into his mouth, which tasted like him, laced with sugar. I hadn't shaved in two days, so my face was nowhere near smooth. He didn't seem to mind. I couldn't decide whether to close my eyes or to keep watching his face


	4. Chapter 4

Alexi's POV:

I was so engulfed in simple pleasure, so engulfed in my tall guitarist, who I hadn't been this close to for so long. Finally inside myself I felt complete, if only fleetingly. His hand pressed into my back was a reassuring reminder that he wasn't repulsed by me, by my advances, which, I admit, were a bit more aggressive than usual. I never wanted to leave this spot. I never wanted to wake up without his arms around me, his warmth protecting me. I never wanted to miss the velvety smoothness of his tongue as he explored my mouth, sending shivers down my spine.

I had spent the past month and a half trying to forget, to ignore Janne. I was now sick of torturing myself with thoughts about him that could never be. Sure, it was easy enough to persuade him to indulge me, but I wanted him to want me as much as I wanted him. I had wanted him to love me and need me. These things, as I said, could not be. The fog of depression had fallen over me, and I was going through my day to day life pushing down every emotion that could remind me of Janne.

Yes, I knew that I was looking unhealthy. I should eat more, but I wasn't hungry. I should sleep more, but sleep brought either nightmares or fantasies of the lanky keyboardist that led me, ashamedly, to the bathroom to finish the job on my own. So my eternal mental Hell hadn't abated. It had waxed to the point where, apparently, Janne felt the need to shove me into bed against my will and practically force feed me the next morning. It was alright. I liked the sound of his voice when he tried to be stern. I liked the feel of his body crushing me against the mattress, even for less-than-amorous purposes. It was entirely selfish of me, but I had denied myself every ounce of happiness for so long, that being in such proximity with him in this hotel room had broken down my moral standards a bit.

I wanted him to be connected to me, over me, in some way or another.

Shit. I had to calm the fuck down. I'd already pushed my luck by practically forcing him to kiss me; now here I was getting way ahead of myself thinking about…

Janne moved his mouth from mine, pulling me back into an embrace. I made a noise of frustration and utilized my new position against his shoulder to my advantage. I started biting and sucking his strong skin, surely leaving some marks.

"This is not reward I had in mind." I muttered against him.

"Really, what did you want? To keep making out with your best friend?" I couldn't tell if he was joking or not, but immediately I felt a pit in my stomach. What had I fooled myself into thinking? Of course he was creeped out. My actions would never make sense unless he could see inside of my head, in which case he would probably never come within five feet of me again. I suddenly felt very sick again, so I stepped back and walked to the bathroom, compulsively stroking my hair behind my ears.

In the mirror I was faced with none other than myself, no surprise. Ugly me, looking worse even than normal. My skin was pale, and the dark circles under my eyes were worse with the smudged eyeliner that I hadn't had the chance to wipe off yesterday. I had bed-head, which at least was fixable. The rest of me wasn't. I looked so stupid with my eyes like they were about to cry. Fucking idiot. How could I have even made him kiss me in the first place? There was nothing here that could possibly attract someone as perfect-and straight-as Janne. Oh shit, I felt sick.

I bent over the toilet, expecting at any moment I would puke. A heard a voice from the doorway say my name, but I was honestly too dizzy and absolutely sure that I was about to taste that bagel for a second time to look over.

"No you don't." Janne said in his silly, youthful voice, his arms wrapping around my middle and picking me up, carrying me out of the bathroom.

"Janne, fuck, I'm going to puke." I gasped, trying desperately not to puke all over him and myself.

"No, please don't, that would be sick!" Janne set me on the edge of the bed, smiling down at me. Could he not tell I wasn't joking?

"Uggh. Fuck!" I groaned, taking a deep breath and closing my eyes. I wouldn't puke on the bed. I wouldn't puke on the bed. I felt a thin sheen of sweat encompass my body, which now felt cold. Luckily I did also feel a little more calmed down. I saw and felt Janne's big hand on my stomach, rubbing a little circle.

"You okay?" He asked, looking me in the eyes.

"Yeah." I said, shrugging, still thinking about how much he must hate me. How disgusting it must be for him to share a room with me.

"Very good." Janne smiled, bending his face to mine and kissing me on the forehead. What the fuck? He seriously had some problems. Hadn't he just been the one stopping me?! He pulled me into his lap and held the back of my head, kissing me again, this time on the mouth.

"I'm…sorry…" He purred between kisses, maneuvering me like a stunned rag doll, tracing my bottom lip with his thumb. "That was…very stupid thing to say."

I was too overwhelmed to answer with anything other than a little hum in the back of my throat. Janne's tongue was in my mouth, swirling around my own. One of his hands crept up to my chest, tickling me a bit. Then, he pinched my nipple, causing me to squeak into his mouth. He chuckled, and rubbed the sensitive spot, keeping my body taut. His mouth moved across my cheek sloppily, licking then the shell of my ear. Again I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I had one of my hands firmly grasping Janne's silky brown hair as if it were the only thing keeping me from flying away.

As great as it was having Janne attacking me with his mouth, I wanted to taste him as well. The second he moved away from my ear I took advantage and once again took up my work lapping at the spot on his shoulder. He stroked my head as I move upward to his neck, and then he recaptured me in a kiss.

I was struggling not to embarrass myself, but I was pent up. My pants felt a little tighter. I didn't want Janne to notice. I tried thinking about something other than his heat radiating into me, warming my skin, or his soft lips that melded so perfectly with my own. Fuck it, there was no way he was not going to notice. His hands slid down to my hips, too close… My breathing hitched. I was both turned on and terrified that he would be pissed and grossed out. Just then something saved my ass.

A knock on the door to our room jerked both of us out of our trance. Our eyes locked for a moment. I bit my lip, Janne gently pushed me off his lap and stood up. He never blushed, but I was furiously red, I could feel the blood in my cheeks.

"Stay there." He whispered, smoothing down his hair and turning to face the door. I eyed him as he answered it, then I pretended to be asleep.

It was Jaska's voice, telling Janne that they needed help moving rearranging equipment in the trailer outside.

"It will go faster if we help the crew." Jaska continued. "Where's Alexi?"

"He's…" I heard Janne pause. I'm assuming he turned to look at me. "Asleep."

"Really? Well, that's good I guess. He wouldn't be much help anyway. He can't lift a damn thing." Jaska stated plainly. I knew he was right, but it still sent a stab of guilt through me.

"I'll be out in a few minutes, just gotta put my shoes on and…yeah, I'll be right there." Janne replied. Then, the door shut and my eyes snapped open.

"You heard?" Janne questioned.

"Yeah. I'm sorry." I said, looking at my hands.

"It's fine. We can handle it." Janne ruffled my hair and unexpectedly grabbed the back of my neck, leaning in to peck me one last time. Something about that act reassured me. Maybe the same disastrous aftermath wouldn't repeat. Maybe there wouldn't be months of ignoring and sadness after we kissed this time. Maybe…

I didn't let myself think the thought. Instead I sat up and watched Janne pull on his boots and his favorite baseball cap. He was only just grown into his height. He still looked like a goofy teenager. I smiled at the memories of COB's early days. I hadn't been sure if Janne would even be a real member of our band. Of course, his skills had changed all our minds very quickly.

"See you in like, an hour?" Janne nodded at me.

"Yeah." I replied, fighting to reign back in my stupid smile.

Janne had seen me, and he smiled a bit in return. "Try to sleep some more. Or eat something." Then, he walked out the door. He was a lame babysitter. It wasn't his fault, I suppose he shouldn't even have to try to take care of his best friend anyway.


End file.
